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Whenever I butt-trumpet on the bike, I always wonder if I figure out a way to pipe the gas into the ram-air - it might be like a quick nitrous blast...? No bike "shart" stories though - not trying to get any either!! This thread is funny as ballz! :D:D:D
 

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This thread reminded me of another shitty experience. I was working another job that was notorious for pulling pranks. There was this hot summer back in 93 and I always left my windows half cracked to vent out the hot air in my car at work as it was black with balck leather seats. Anyways this son of a bitch at work had a diaper his kid shit in and he stuck it up and under the driver seat. Well you can imagine it took a 12 hours shift marinating in the sun to permeate the whole car. It took two days and three friggin gagging trips to work to finally find out what the hell the stench was. It was hard to belief that a little tiny diaper from a small child could gag a full grown man to tears.
This story has made me realize why so many of us shit ourselves considering we do it for the first couple of years of our lives.
 

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skywalker said:
lmao...I thought about that...but ditch them WHERE? It was a house party. It was hard enough to leave without anyone noticing...lol
Get on your bike and ride a block, since it's dark out get so it's not so obvious and then take that shit off, literally. I'd say it'd take about 4 minutes to get back into the saddle, depending on what you ate that night of course, and ride on back to the party. All in all, i'd say you could accomplish this extensive mission in < 8 minutes. Next time give it a shot, i don't want to fucking see you alone with shit in your pants at 12:00.:(

Edit: Also keep in mind, you do have clothing that is mostly worthless...such as socks or even an undershirt that could be some nice, expensive, luxorious TP that would leave your ass much happier
 

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abell255 said:
Get on your bike and ride a block, since it's dark out get so it's not so obvious and then take that shit off, literally. I'd say it'd take about 4 minutes to get back into the saddle, depending on what you ate that night of course, and ride on back to the party. All in all, i'd say you could accomplish this extensive mission in < 8 minutes. Next time give it a shot, i don't want to fucking see you alone with shit in your pants at 12:00.:(

Edit: Also keep in mind, you do have clothing that is mostly worthless...such as socks or even an undershirt that could be some nice, expensive, luxorious TP that would leave your ass much happier
lmfao...hahahahah! Man...it's WAY past my bed time, and work tomorrow is going to suck balls, but that made my night. lol :D:D
 

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Skywalker:
In addition to abell255's suggestion, (which should be a sticky), I might add that if you have ever seen a little kid (more often boys than girl...for some reason.......) that are constantly scratching their asses and their ass crack looks like it is eating their jeans (ie hungry bum) means only one thing..they haven't learned to wipe well or more than likely haven't wiped at all.
So as an adult if you are scratching your ass......... its a dead give away that you have neglected a 5 wipe shit or a shart.
In my opinion the best defense against being caught for sharting would be to lay out an emergency plan like say food poisioning. If all fails the old sock scrub will work but if it is a messy runny shart that extends....say more than 6 inches of run (which would require a 12 inch tube sock from the 80's) then I personally would employ plan number two....A family emergency that requires immediate attention ( cell phone is great to set this one up) Food For Thought
 

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abell255 said:
Edit: Also keep in mind, you do have clothing that is mostly worthless...such as socks or even an undershirt that could be some nice, expensive, luxorious TP that would leave your ass much happier
I was out hunting with my cousins and one of them said he'd catch up with us cause he had to go to the bathroom. I didn't think anything of it and thought he was just gonna go pee behind a bush. When he caught up to us I realized he had cut the sleeve off his shirt... I don't think I'd recomend this at a house party though.

Also, depending on how bad they were, you could have taken them off in the b/r, and as long as they weren't soaking through you could tuck them inside your pants where no one saw them and walked outside to the trash and thrown them out when no one was looking.
 

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My bad...
 

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It is great if you are riding with a few friends and you can hold one and build it up for a long light you will be stuck at. Squeek it out at the stop without saying anything and see if you can get any responses/victims.

I fart all the time on the bike, I am convinced if I am into the throttle and going downhill it speeds me up if I aim it right!
 

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greenrip said:
It is great if you are riding with a few friends and you can hold one and build it up for a long light you will be stuck at. Squeek it out at the stop without saying anything and see if you can get any responses/victims.
lol...so I was riding with a buddy of mine on the twins (I have the Ducati 916 and he just bought an Aprilia RSV 1000R Factory) and we were riding to Siesta Key in Sarasota and got stopped at a draw bridge for a sailboat to go by. It's decently hot, and we had been riding for a while already...we're sitting side-by-side with our big v-twins rumbling, and I shut mine off, then he shut his off and it sounded so damn quiet, like you could hear a pin drop, just because our motors were so loud...all you could hear was ambient sound. And in the peaceful silence, he let rip one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. lmao [xx(]
 

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This thread had me busting up in laughter... you guys are Crazy! I fart too =)
 

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I went riding today and knew that I would have to revive this thread when I got home. I sharted myself silly today on one of my favorite roads in VA today. It was bad. It was virtually mid corner when the shart came - thankfully I was riding my old F4 which doesn't have as much power as the ZX. I'm sure my hand yanked the throttle some when I realized what had happened - if I'd been on the ZX it might've highsided me to the moon (imagine trying to excuse that to your friends later...). Anyways, I pulled over at the turnaround and bee-lined for the woods and got some good leaves from a maple or oak or something (I made sure I picked them from overhead to avoid the dreaded poison ivy/oak disaster!). I must have lost about 5 pounds in the woods. I think I dropped enough weight that it actually changed my lines. I actually thought about this thread before I got exited the corner post-shart. Sad. - VE
 

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I fart on the bike all the time, I usually just lift my ass off the seat a bit.

I don't think my girlfriend notices, but it wouldn't matter anyways...I fart around her all the time...thats the kind of shit that happens after you've had a gf for 7 years straight.
 

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Whats the saying??? Whatever you do at midnight on new years is how your year is going to go. Did you have a "Shitty" year?
 

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so it was a couple years ago and a buddy and i were going to the skynyrd concert and we were talking about drinking and he said that a buddy of his got so drunk that he shit himself and i said that i had never done that... well... he almost jinxed the shit out of me.. i was hammered off my ass and after the concert we went to a bar in downtown sac and i had to shit so bad so i went in the bathroom and blew that motha up and then walked out and there was a long line and of course i told them that it was already clogged before i went in there, but we all know thats not true. man, i ALMOST shit myself and it would have been BAD.
 

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I like to fart on the bike - thats some real custom exhaust. So this didn't happen on a bike but I was down in Idaho visiting my brother and we go to a party. Well I work my way through 1/5 warm scotch single handedly and about half way down the bottle I'm thinking I've got to take a dump pretty bad. So I get downstairs and start looking for some tp but I don't see any anywhere so I grab a bit of paper towel. I take my dump and it goes pretty well until I realize that no one actually lives in the house and so there is no running water, so I head back upstairs leaving my fairly large dump in the toilet. After finishing the scotch I'm not feeling to good so I head back downstairs, make it to the threshold and unleash a pretty considerable amount of puke right in the doorway half on half off some carpet. I puke my way to the toilet and puke in there on top of my dookie in the house with no running water, go back upstairs and my brother says we should probably go and we haul ass out of there.
 

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I fart all the time on the bike, I do need to stand up a bit to allow my ass cheeks to spread otherwise the damn thing will never come out. I find this only requires a slight crouch to accomplish. I have never sharted my pants on a motorized bike, but damn near did mountain biking. I had just eaten lunch and proceeded to hope on the bike. This is in colorado fairly remote, but a popular area. I was flying down a hill and then the shart genie started wanting out of the bottle. I immediately stopped the bike ran up a 60 degree mountainside to try and get out of sight but couldn't get far before I had to drop my pants and shart st helens erupted. Meanwhile my backpack is rolling down the hill spilling everything along it's way (I had set it down) and more bikers where coming down the trail and saw me. Anyway it gets better, as I had no t.p. and nothing to use. I finally grabbed one of my flour tortillas from lunch and used that. Needless to say it was not very absorbent. I then had to hike up my underwear and pants and sit back on my tiny mountain bike seat and ride 3 miles back to the car only to then drive home. Let me tell you a bunch of shart being wedged up your ass by your mountain bike seat does not help either. Needless to say I threw away that pair of underwear.
 
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